As a white passing cisgendered gay male, it can easy to not notice the immense hate that comes from within our own community. I have noticed that white gay males have become more and more accepted in today’s culture, specifically in the media. While they are usually never more than a gay best friend, some representation is better than none. However we sometimes forget how many people the community encompasses, and that comes with how much hate our community is able to dish out to other members. Bisexual erasure in men and fetishization in women have become a problem. While we have touched on transphobia on multiple accounts, biphobia is still an issue, one that should be raised into question.
My interviewee today is not only a trans man but also indentifies as bisexual. His agreement to the interview excited me. I want to be able to write about problems within our community. My interviewee’s name is Spencer (He/Him.) We had the oppurtunity of discussing problems surrounding being trans and bisexual in the same space. With many hardships throughout his life, he addressed his frustrations within the community, the one meant to love and accept him.
Q1. When did you first come out?
“So when I came out as trans I was like 11. Two or three years later I came out as bisexual. Pretty young age. Coming out as trans was a big negative for me because I was raised around super religious people. Like, ‘Gay people are going to hell.’ I had that mindset stuck in my head for the longest time, I came out to my dad first who wasn’t as religious. But everyone else looked at me different, my mom even left. When I came out as bi, I came out in middle school to my friends, they pegged me as the ‘gay’ best friend and it was alienating. They only hung out with me because I was ‘gay’ to them and they would set me up with other LGBTQ+ kids.
Q2. What was the hardest part about coming out?
“The actual coming out was hard, it was just nerve wracking. It’s a big thing to accept from yourself. Also the first part of transitioning is really hard because you lose a lot of confidence. It weighs down on your confidence.”
Q3. Do you feel that your bisexuality is an issue in the community?
“I do. I feel that bisexual epople get a lot of hate. They are seen differently. Some people see us as greedy because we like boys and girls. They sexual bisexual women and for men they see them as just gay. It’s demeaning. I have had personal experiences where people just have seen me as gay and put that label on me. It’s annoying. I think people should talk about it more. We have discussions over who can and cannot say the f-slur, this is an issue that should be talked about more. We have a lot of biphobic people within our community and it’;s not constructive when it’s our only safe space.”
Q4. Do you feel that your transness is an issue in the community?
“I honestly personally don’t. I feel that it’s getting more accepted today. There are more influencers that come out and can be a badass and trans. With trans people however instead of hate, like with bisexuals, we are put in danger. I see so many posts about how a trans girl was murdered, or this trans girl was jumped, etc. I feel that with bi people it’s demeaning but with trans people it’s ‘you're in danger.’
Q5. Any advice you want to give to fellow members in the community?
“Don’t feed into the drama within our community. I feel our community is so problematic to its own people. You are 100% valid and you don’t need anyone else to tell you otherwise.”
Spencer is a wonderful example of someone who comes from two different parts of the community and melts them together. We often forget that our community is made up of millions of individuals who are just that. Individuals. Everyone’s experiences are different but we can all understand exclusion from the majority. It saddens me to see so many of my fellow members have racist, transphobic, biphobic, etc. ideologies when we want the same thing. The reason we built our safe space was because we did not have one. We cannot continue to push for acceptance outward when we have no acceptance inward. Our community is flawed but we must remember why that brick was thrown at stonewall. For that moment, even for a little bit of belonging.
Cover Photo: Peter Salanki from San Francisco, USA - The bisexual pride flag Uploaded by Anastasiarasputin
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