The new age of social media is hard to navigate. Our social media platforms can now dictate what music is on the billboards, what fashion trends are in, and who has a career. Yet with all its “control” there are some people who are themselves on these platforms and get popular for their vulnerability and relatability. One of those is Spirtual_AF.
Spirtual_AF, or Roxan McDonald, has amassed over 200k followers across social media platforms. She is a funny, witted, and wise individual. She is an activist for women, queer individuals, black individuals trans people, POC, an all-around good user of her platform. While in her name it is indicative that she uses spiritual practices, she intertwines that with helping people of marginalized groups find ways to stand up for themselves and to advocate for them as well. In this interview I got the pleasure of seeing how social media, queer advocacy, and women’s rights make their way into her daily life by her just being Spiritual_AF.
Q1. How has being queer affected your daily life? how has being queer affected your daily life?
“One of those things is WHEN are you queer. When I think about my queerness, you know I’m 47, and I grew up in Santa Cruz. Back in the 70’s and 80’s a mostly lesbian haven was there especially where I lived. There was this neighborhood called The Circles and it was a bad neighborhood and that it was rough and poor, and that’s where all these lesbians ended up. I came of age in the early 80’s surrounded, and not my family my family were bigoted, homophobic, transplanted from the south, REALLY bigoted. All those things that could get inside of a person for internalized homophobia. But my community there was all of my friends’ moms were lesbians or gay dads. And I grew up in the first little bubble, I think there was little bubbles around the world, but in the space where it wasn’t safe to be queer. If you had any queerness at all there was something wrong with them. I had visibility, I had all these lovely people, who engaged openly with who they were, and their identity were lesbian. They were out as second-wave feminists. I had this shelter experience of queerness, where I never came out, I never had to come out. Every generation before me had to come out and I never was in. I had an assumed bisexuality in my friends and who I wanted to be. Even with this family of origin who were SO homophobic, I had this as something was wrong with you, not with me. The people that seemed reasonable in my life were queer. So of course, I juxtaposed that with what their experiences, I feel like I am this link. I think that all of us are this link from people who had to give up their entire life and give up their entire support structure to just be queer. I remember when people couldn’t get job, I got spit on in the streets for being openly queer, I’ll get to that actually. I think that with my experience growing up in Santa Cruz and yet culturally we were shifting, where it was ok to call somebody the f-word to say, ‘that’s so gay’ and with my generation it was like ‘why is gay bad?’ You’re straight, ewgh. And so that shift where it never got inside of me, and I have dated a lot of people who have been unraveling internalized homophobia. I can see the difference what I have and what they have. And then I’m watching Gen-Z and I’m like OH MY GOSH! I’m like YES! There is so much questioning and fluidity, like being pan and it not being something to identify as. And being someone who is a cis fem-female, I do have an experience of that fem erasure because I never had to come out and just don’t assume that everyone is straight. If I happen to be dating a woman, then I’m dating a woman. In my life I go in situations as a teacher, I have to come out constantly. Do I play the pronoun game? And that is an interesting thing, and that coincides with my social media. When I know, I am going to teach older people and there is gonna be this moment where I say ‘my girlfriend blah blah blah’ or my ex-girlfriend. That usually does it because you can play a girlfriend as platonic. Or utilize saying this is my pronoun. And they are like ugh. And just coming out like and making it a fluid part of my life and my social media. People will assume by the way that I look that I am straight, even with cuffed jeans and EVERYTHING. My biggest experience about being queer was that when I was growing up there was this big push to identify with something. It was either you’re gay, lesbian or bi. Then there was this hatred for bisexual people, from both sides. You’re hypersexualized from the hetero side. And from the queer side you’re gonna come in and break a lesbian’s heart. So when I got spit on it was at pride parades, there was a bisexual contingent and people came up and spit on my chest and said ‘Fuck you’ or ‘Pick a side’ or whatever. It happened two years in a row and so I love that that addressing bi-erasure or not even identifying as bi because I don’t believe in a gender-binary and that I’m not attracted to fem or masculine people. I am attracted to female-identified masculine people, but I have had romantic friendships with cis-men. That whole bi idea that you’re into everybody is like I am definitely not. I did not know what I was into until there was a hella butch woman who showed up and I was like ‘oh that’s why everyone goes nuts over love.’ I didn’t get it I was like fems are fine, I like hanging out and having sex and men are fine I like hanging out and having sex, but I could take it or leave it. And then a very masculine lesbian got ahold of me. Then they have this idea too when you’re openly queer that you are open to have a conversation with them to explain your sexual orientation. Then having to have that conversation, just because I’m openly not straight doesn’t mean I’m going to break it down for you.”
Q2. How does it affect what you post?
“My platform is not strictly queer issues, and I don’t want to constantly come out and I don’t think that every queer story just their sexual or romantic orientation. There is this one part of my social media that is just inspirational quotes. I was hiding behind that and I started putting my face out there, my writing out there, my beliefs out there and I began to introduce myself. In that I have tried to introduce myself in who I am. Instead of doing a big, ‘I’m GAY!’ To just have that eb apart of it and there is something about choosing what I post. There are some things that would be on brand and I wasn’t thinking about my queerness or being conscious about my inclusivity. My platform is called spiritual as fuck and everything is spiritual. Owning of like poop jokes are funny AND care about your chakras. You don’t have to take on spirituality as your personality in order to claim and explore deep meaning in your life. On top of that being conscious of your language and actions for other is a deeply spiritual practice. There are a lot of things that I see that I know would get a lot of likes and followers for but it’ll be “women powered” but I tend not to do that, because it promotes an idea about gender that I don’t believe in. There’s a lot of things that I look at where I’m like yea it’s funny but it’s promoting substance abuse, even if someone could healthily get drunk on Wednesday, a lot of my platform is about being in recovery of some sort. There’s lots of things that are like ‘guys do this and women do that’ and that’s not and I’m such a queer where I’m like that’s not true. Often times when I haven’t put my face out there in a while people will assume I’m a guy. I have to re-introduce myself, and there like ‘wow!’ ‘Cause I might post some things are intelligent or opinionated and then raunchily funny, people will go ‘I thought you were a guy!’ Then I’ll post a little bit about my identity and you get to realize that identity does matter, ‘cause it’s an impact. When I’ve started to share more of my life people will kind of check themselves because they thought I was a straight woman, because I have long hair and I wear eyeliner.”
Q3. How do you deal with large followings like your own?
“I didn’t start off to be an influencer, I didn’t do social media until I quit my job. I used to be a counselor and I ran treatment programs for teenagers and then I quit to become a writer. I went around conferences and listened to the ‘what do you need as a writer?’ and you need a platform. So, I had this connection with this spirituality that I shared with these kids. I call them my kids because it’s like a love thing for me. So, when I quit my job, I had this group of young people who though I was gonna be a resource for me. So, me and this teacher at the school started doing it for a while and she dropped off. I saw it as a way of connecting to build a community and then I went about it strategically as a writer, I already have this thing started and why don’t I share what I care about. I made a list of what do I want to do, and who I want to be in this world. When I started to share more of my personality, I believe in gratitude as a practice and laughing, and identifying what our values are and not just being what the world wants us to be. I believe in radical kindness and sometimes radical kindness is telling someone to fuck all the way off. All of that comes into play as I go through posting. I have this checklist in my head that I think is funny; is it making fun of somebody, is it inclusive, does it reflect my values of how I want people to be treated in the world, is it playful, is it edgy just for the sake of being edgy and also is it appropriating or utilizing AAVE as a way to sound cool even though that’s not how I would say it. All my posts go through a filter, on one side how I manage people on my page is I think of it as a dinner party at my house. You can have a lot of heated conversation but if you started calling somebody hateful slurs, you would get kicked out of a dinner party, that’s a block. If you started to get over the edge, I get in the comments and I go ‘HEY! That’s not working’ If they were at a dinner party, I wouldn’t let them take over the dinner party. They get A chance. I would make my point and if they could act right, they could stay, and if not they’re blocked. And if someone tried to take someone to a side room and do something bad, I would out them to the entire dinner party. I’ll get trolls that’ll do or say something, I will put them publicly if I think that 1. It will teach other people that it is unacceptable in a healthy community and 2. It will teach people how to deal with that stuff. I have a strength, I’m good with my words, I’m good with boundaries, and I have this platform so, those are the ways I navigate trolls and my platform. It’s a block and bless. Go fuck yourself somewhere else.”
Q4. Anything else you want to add?
“There is that thing about putting yourself out there, there is a point where when you are out there just enough you know that we are gonna get that thing you just never want to hear. It took a while for me, it was like ‘am I ready for that thing?’ When I’m coaching people about budling social media platforms, write it down and face it. Face that. That’s the thing that worked for me. I wrote it all down, like who says this kind of stuff? What is the purpose of my vulnerability? My vulnerability is not for those people. Anybody who is getting on the internet to tipptiy-tap their keyboard to tell me my face is a big fat bowling ball, or that I’m too old, it’s like okay? Can I face that? Is that my idea of success? That I’m pretty or that I’m young? To face that and put yourself out there in increments, and now I walk around and I’m like ‘you can think anything you want ‘cause I’ve already heard it.’ That’s why trans people are so badass. They walk in it every day of their lives, facing that. Every trans person I know is walking through that, they walk in a door and they know they are gonna get that ‘you’re disgusting’ but that bright light that comes out of that and claim themselves, it is at this fire brand of the world. I do want to say that my putting myself out there on the internet is nothing compared to trans people, but my little piece has made me look at how hard it is for other. I just want to clarify that it’s not the same. One of my mentors who is this incredible poet named Ellen Bass, she says that when something bad happens and friend calls and say, ‘I can’t imagine’ she says ‘try.’ When I think that I can’t do that with something I admire, I think do that. The only way to truly be an ally is to embody everything, to truly love ourselves, to truly check ourselves. When I call people glorious fuckheads, we are all struggling with different flavors of fuckheadedness every day and to name our fuckheadedness and move forward but to not get away from our fuckheadedness and that it is my job to deal with the flavor that is up right now. So, within that, when I look at my role as an ally with other people, I’m not gonna ever experience what POC of will, but I can try to regularly look at it, and identify the ways I’m privileged, and also have that level of bravery that I love and admire. Be as brave as a trans person.”
The platforms of social media are daunting. Having to maintain an “image” of yourself can be crushing. The thing that I admire the most about Roxan is that she is herself through and through. Sometimes with the huge amount of those who feel like frauds I forget there are people just like Roxan, who are using social media for betterment. Her natural humor and how she presents who she is has made her a popular creator in the spiritual world of social media. So, to take after Roxan, be as a brave as a trans person. Live every day in your skin, be yourself, love yourself, check yourself, and remember we are all fuckheads, what flavor is yours today?
Contact Info:
Websites:
IG: @Spiritual_AF
@WritersResource
TikTok: @Spiritual_AF
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